Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Is it a bird? A plane? No. It's a fecking Carrot.

E'en the BBC is turning against poor Mother Nature now, as it appears to put people's fears to rest in an article on "supercarrots. Personally, such a name can only conjure up images of spotted cactus-looking aliens (that's the innocent's version) swooping down into carrot factories to "sprinkle their magic dust" everywhere. Perhaps that explains things when the BBC notes...

"It is not the first time the carrot has been tampered with."
Fortunately, like Superted (SuperTed? sUpErTeD?), nature is dull and useless - it turns out - at actually keeping us healthy. Can you imagine a children's cartoon all about... well, a stuffed, rejected and lifeless bear? No you can't, and neither can I.

So afore-mentioned spotty extra-terrestrial cacti (or "scientists") are generally Our Only Hope, which is pretty much just as depressing as having Luke Skywhiner as your saviour.

In an attempt to redress Nature's unwieldy and untenable PR position, I'm off to rub organic dead hamsters in my face and drink some thatchweaved mud.

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